Don't Look Back...

Dont Look now... and for gods sake don't look back.. but if you didnt look back, how can you rationalise now?..... we are a sum total of our memories and experiences and regrets are deeply woven into the fabric of our mental life played over again.. we can learn from them... or be condemned by them..

The past is what you flushed away in the toilet this morning.. do you miss the turds?.. no, then dont worry,

Mental illness is the regurgitated consumption of the/a past relived over and over again, in a cowards thousand deaths... which is actually many more than a mere 1000.. it is doubled every time you happen to chance upon the stockpile of a life filled with regret's so innumerable that every second doubles it into a cosmos sized endless infinity....

I know, I have lived them and awake from it while awake with shame disgrace and unfathomable remorse for things long gone that nobody but me can see like the shattered glass of the Hologram of a life previously lived, seen from one angle... 

Fact is Death is a Good friend to failures and fuck ups.. Get Dead, when you are, your personality is perfected... or annihilated.. Good Luck; chance's are mediocre people never get re-used... i.e. reincarnated.. 

Hell is a living reality, if you look for it you may be unfortunate enough to find it, so... Dont look back...

Dread

A terrible negative dread has accumulated over the past few day's and it is affecting the quality of life itself.. I did Fuck up.. RE: previous Blogs, if you can be bothered to go back to see...


I am miserable as a thundercloud... all the thrills of previous high flown emotions are dried to a husk.. I need another fix of a certain "Heroine" not a Drug but a person... Yeah I did fuck up... so I am holding out Hope She understands.. no other living Soul can do it...


There is not a positive thought in my being at the moment... only the spirit of a long lost friend can lift me up again.. put it this way.. without Her Key, I cannot get out of the solitary confinement, that I now find myself in...


Help.. Now I really do Need that call... I hope She reads my mind, if not this Blog.. When your as fucked up as me it's hard to tell right from Wrong, or up from Down...


Please hear my Voice calling in the darkness...




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