Losing things...

You can easily lose everything in one thoughtless moment of Ego and Bravado, i.e. overtaking at the wrong time... screaming out loud and losing control... at a wedding or a funeral... 

Last night I nearly lost my mind forever.... I lost my Car keys, and went slightly psycho looking in every crack and pocket I could think of... I was extremely Hung Over... which amplified the emotion x7, started questioning my veritable "so called" sanity... This is something I DONT EVER DO, I took care of Keys my entire life...

that is why it was so upsetting... But then; The Dog needed a Walk which doubled my inner frustration to locate the aforesaid missing keys... so we went out for a walk which I suffered second by second, as he sniff's and does not Piss... He searches and sniffs like a Botanist in search of the only wild orchid left on Earth... yet pisses such a little it needs 8 Leg lifts to empty his bladder....

It was a shorter walk than usual, and my discomfort grew step by step, I feared they were gone for all time... but as I walked up the stairs, my Prayer came to pass...

They had been in the door all night... I nearly lost all reason to live for a silly mistake like that... I was fantasising about hanging myself, imagining being in the Crematorium being burnt yet still conscious... Grim bottomless thoughts...

But I spent 10 minuets on my knees thanking God for finding what I thought must have been gone Forever....

Praise the Lord and King Charles for being such good sports !

Back to the Past...

You ain't got no future... when all your future is GONE... used up and wasted; Except trials tribulation and misery so dwell in the hell of the past... the older you get the further you think back...

The Past is a feast a smorgasbord of snacks... to be encountered by chance, by random association.. the older mind becomes fixated on the earliest memories.. as I go to sleep I explore the past like an inter-dimensional traveller in a bubble of focused thought... I see things I forgot ever happened...

Moments so vivid you would think you were there, I remember faces from 50 60 years ago as clear as a Clairvoyant sees ghosts and spirits... last night I was basically Praying for about 3 hours, horizontal... and visiting the places and faces of the long lost...

the closer you get to Death the more you recount the past; it is a vertical climb with every tiny hand-hold... until you lose faith and fall like a loser..

The past is Dead and immutable, only the present is Alive... the future is yet to manifest... Go back to the Crack and into the Womb go back to a Zygot and before the egg yet to be fertilised, you were there, and now your here... What great good fortune to be one in 6 million chosen to be "activated" as a possibility...

A life is a Collage of multiple images and impulses like some kind of random art... if your not involved with your evolution, i.e. no Ambition no will to do anything no need to meet "other people" you wont be a success by default... You need treatment:

finding out where you went wrong needs re evaluation by jumping from the top board into an empty swimming pool... then the transfixing overwhelming Cognition of your "mistakes and wrong turns" in a download of damnation...

if you can find a slither of hope in all this destruction, you will cope better...

I suggest you try Faith hope an Love as a starting point... then jump into a to cloudy void and hope your Ripcord actually works... 

Death and the past are walking just behind you, waiting for you to become the recent Past personally...

$14 a Gallon in UK

YES you hear me correct, it is actually more.. but $14 is what we pay on average for a gallon of Diesel or even Gas is $12 a gallon...

Come to England and get robbed blind, by street vendors scammers Jammers extortionists and crammers.... they want what you got PICK POCKETS all over London, They will clone your car lock transmission to a stealing receiver and open your, pride and joy from a distance...

Don't come to UK coz it is not OK... we are an increasingly Feral nation populated with a criminally intent subculture of pure latency to ROB RAPE AND leave you bleeding...

not all victims survive, after dark England is an Ant Colony coming to eat the sweet trust of the poor.. we are collectively robbed until money goes TITS UP, 

and pussy cannot pay the bill... what is the next unit of Value?

Blood Sperm and French fry's...

Timeo Americae

love to be Happy...

Wouldn't it be Wonderful to be happy again... that sense of excitement, be unable to sleep as you look so kindly towards the Coming... for the thing you most wanted for a moment

You too... but fate is marching like an Army toward you... the Destructive force at the core of your conscience... stops you from enjoying even a quiet fart.. When you were a Child you did not worry about anything... being happy is a flash Mob but it lasts only for a moment...

but some moments can last forever... 

on Video...

please click here...

Birth Life n Death...

Beginners Please; 5 min:

which Act are you in... a 3 Act Play with much Laughter celebration and Lamentation when you least expect it... there is no Exit nor Prompter to help you when you go Dry.... and wander in confusion with much exasperation and embarrassment...

Life is wonderful until you look Mortality in the face, remembering an old roommate from the 70's Ian Holmes Lewis I just read the backstory of his last years... 

He had a Lung transplant a year before he died... Holy bongo, What he must have gone through... that is no Disney Story.... and this is all some years ago... I was Shocked deeply considering all the implications, that is a Tough Last Act...

Be at Peace old boy...  he was a big Dope smoker, we all were then... but he loved Bongs, and they are Dangerous to sensitive lungs, I cannot imagine all the wrong people he got involved with... His Girlfriend way back then was called AURORA not a name you can ever forget... he never married Her, He got another Lady to do that...

I could fill 20 paragraphs with the names of dead people, who you have never heard of... they died in infamy, the famous Die in Public, but are they always remembered... thats some database...

When does the curtain come down, we are all desperate for a Drink a piss and a smoke.... Hurry up and get on with it... Hurry up and Die it is so boring to wait !!

Bring the curtain down... NOW

lol...

When Love Hurts the Most...

Losing the life/love of another living thing is a turning point in every individual Human existence, 

tell me it is not... (if not your a Psychopath)

The Infinite Void of utter lonely Emptiness is a living part time Hell.. before you go to sleep, and as soon as you awake the thought returns..

Like an Obsession, an impossible possession, that you can and cannot have and yet lose completely... You have nothing; their closeness has gone, only memories... persist...

and only misery continues... by then your a true blue Masochist and just love the pain of Melancholia, it has a sweet yet bitter taste...

Love hurts the most when you have lost it, it immaterial the reason why, You lost it, so long ago, but the memories rumble like deep Jungle Drums mixed with a Earthquake... losing Love is Emotional Death

The rumble is Your Fear the Drums are your failing Heart... beating to its last action... the moment is approaching when your time is UP... That is Universal Equality... 

No one has mastered eternal life, is that a joke, no mortal mind could survive without madness and utter collapse... within 500 years of bidding you buddies goodbye... You will be so Addicted and deluded

you would turn into an "unwritten Play" of a Man who wanted it all, got it, then Lost it... then tried to get a Hard on, but his Dick was dead and long gone...

NO SEX NO LIFE, NO LIFE WITHOUT IT;

A Human WINDOW is approx 50 years, yeah? when you hit 50 just remember you still got a good chance at being Murdered in a Motel, For NO GOOD REASON, aint Life a game of crappy shitty CRAPS.... 

You Throw... then you Throw UP...

For a moment of stolen pleasure, you face years of incarcerated misery and pay all your life to touching a Girl's private parts without permission... 

Never trust a Man With a Hard ON 

He is coming for ya... 

whether you like it or not !

Emma's Stoned...

Had the nuttiest dream about Emma Stone the "Artist" not the Avatar it was the craziest Dream Party I had for while... Her eyes are the Size of Tennis Balls they are too big to be wholesome... I did not touch Her... but we had a great time...

We joked around jerked around... and we jumped off a high dive board, it is the sense of falling that I remember... it went on for so long... it did not end till I woke up... but I did not wake up, I only dreamt I woke up, but didn't... I was still asleep...

sometimes I cant tell the difference between being awake and still in bed... as I wake up I dream I am awake doing stuff, then all of a sudden I am actually still in bed... dreaming of being a wake and walking around... yet still on the pillow...

My most toxic addiction is Sleep, it is my favourite state of mind... not quite here, and not really There either, in the wonderful world of dreamland...

Halfway between leaving your body and still living in a limited world of myopia where only things close come into focus... in a Macro world of tiny details... at the quantum Level nothing seems real, as we know it...

Contemplation, a Tool for life:

Too much Thinking makes Jack a Dull Boy... and turns Nerds into mass murderers... in isolated Winter Resorts... where Doppelgangers entwine in divine Evil

there are many levels and echelons of the Human Thought process... where are you...? Thinking is the activity of a living Soul, you cannot stop it... like multiple decks of cards Shuffled, it never stops until you "stop altogether"

Many people persue the impossible dream, "thats why it is impossible" too many for too many jobs, openings, auditions, Lay downs, get ups, and slaps to the face, You cannot be the person you are Not. so stop trying to be... set your Mind Free...

Accept nothing Expect Nothing and you will begin to get something real... coz Peeps dont like Fakes and poseurs... they prefer Kindness and sincerity... something you may be missing...

Buddha Knew Thinking was a living Burden to try and control it... you dont even contribute to it when you sleep... 

Aforethought is the greatest time you take to evaluate... your fate... Remember Billy-Jean in the song... ignore his advice, you MUST think twice.... or more... errors will occur...

contemplation is much misunderstood... 

Now contemplate your fate... because nothing in the World or in Heaven can Stop it.... You are cooked fried Smoked and damned... and soon the Undertaker will come, and they will "take you away" wearing dark suits and Black ties...

and you will never find your way back home...

Animals are more instinctively intelligent than any Human Alive to-day in 2027, I cam back from tomorrow...

to tell you not too many tomorrows actually happen/ dont worry we will be a snow Globe within 70 years...