Grinding Grief

I am constantly writing to alleviate the pain that is dwelling deep within me, a pain so Gut deep it is grinding me to Pulp and dust, I can barely breathe Yet BOO no longer Does at all, I was 7 times Her age yet I still Meander on, Where is the Place where rest is to be found... huh 

DEEP UNDERGROUND

for the wicked... the greatest Punishment is self-loathing that will not let you be at ease, as the knowledge of your own Idiocy got you here, and the pain of the emptiness will never let you eat or draw a full breath again...

Guilt kills me, I had the equivalent of 17 beers and KALUHA half a pint, yet I don't feel Distorted or Drunk just AWFUL and EMPTY...

HEY, I didn't ask you to read this did I? Take your Hate elsewhere...

In Memory of Baby BOO

Misery in the night....

Oh Brother... I went to bed early coz I felt shattered, and every time I started drifting off to never land.. a brutal Toothache brought me back to reality.. like a curse it just kept coming back, so I got up took an aspirin, and put clover oil on my tooth, top left molar... and when the oil kicked in I went back to bed, and started falling asleep again...


and guess what... as I crossed the threshold of Zed-land it came right on back, so I got up put some clover oil on it, and lay down again.. and guess what.. it happened all over again.. so I decided to get up, boot up, and write a blog about it, coz Blogging seems to help a lot of times, its where I feel most at home, pouring out my feelings on the page...


So Hopefully after completing it I will go back to bed... and no doubt I will be haunted all night long..  I do have an appointment on Thur, 3:45pm, you see I cracked the tooth after walking into a wall last week in the dark, coming back from the Shop.. it could be because I wasnt drinking today.. and my nerves are a bit shredded and raw...


Thanks for the Sympathy... so now I think I'll hava slug of V which might help, if it dont then I will just have to finish the bottle to knock me the fuck out...

Dread

A terrible negative dread has accumulated over the past few day's and it is affecting the quality of life itself.. I did Fuck up.. RE: previous Blogs, if you can be bothered to go back to see...


I am miserable as a thundercloud... all the thrills of previous high flown emotions are dried to a husk.. I need another fix of a certain "Heroine" not a Drug but a person... Yeah I did fuck up... so I am holding out Hope She understands.. no other living Soul can do it...


There is not a positive thought in my being at the moment... only the spirit of a long lost friend can lift me up again.. put it this way.. without Her Key, I cannot get out of the solitary confinement, that I now find myself in...


Help.. Now I really do Need that call... I hope She reads my mind, if not this Blog.. When your as fucked up as me it's hard to tell right from Wrong, or up from Down...


Please hear my Voice calling in the darkness...




x