Deaf Heaven

O Lord How many people You despair, for the want of an unanswered prayer... or a little warmth and care.. hot food for empty tummies and a gift of help to hard working Mummy's.. however nasty or nice; the truth is, Love is always sacrifice...

for a moment of pleasure, a lifetime of sorrow, begged stolen or borrowed.. Life is a debt you can never repay.. words too difficult to say, and when it's finally; too late, 'you pray'.. for all the Love and kindness... you threw away.. in youthful arrogance, while you played the great seducer in the mating dance..

Nothing is more pathetic and heinous than a broken soul asking for Forgiveness.. because as soon as it is granted.. they do it all over again.. Some hells never must end to pay the full price; of Betraying a friend: who became a fiend on Valentines Day Halloween.. where barbequed Heart with afterbirth is the main dish.. eaten alive in public as you burn in disgrace...

as a thousand malicious minds tear you to shreds of raw flesh in the assassination of your Character via the absolute silence of terminal social rejection, as you are 'but a cancer' they are trying to kill off and cut out..

Don't Look Back...

Dont Look now... and for gods sake don't look back.. but if you didnt look back, how can you rationalise now?..... we are a sum total of our memories and experiences and regrets are deeply woven into the fabric of our mental life played over again.. we can learn from them... or be condemned by them..

The past is what you flushed away in the toilet this morning.. do you miss the turds?.. no, then dont worry,

Mental illness is the regurgitated consumption of the/a past relived over and over again, in a cowards thousand deaths... which is actually many more than a mere 1000.. it is doubled every time you happen to chance upon the stockpile of a life filled with regret's so innumerable that every second doubles it into a cosmos sized endless infinity....

I know, I have lived them and awake from it while awake with shame disgrace and unfathomable remorse for things long gone that nobody but me can see like the shattered glass of the Hologram of a life previously lived, seen from one angle... 

Fact is Death is a Good friend to failures and fuck ups.. Get Dead, when you are, your personality is perfected... or annihilated.. Good Luck; chance's are mediocre people never get re-used... i.e. reincarnated.. 

Hell is a living reality, if you look for it you may be unfortunate enough to find it, so... Dont look back...