at first, I tried to control it and succeded, but now it as RAW today as it felt then... everywhere I go I drag Her Dead Body with me in memory, I dont want to lose the Sorrow, I am nothing without it; it feels justified I lost 27lbs in this time, and have been eating but leave 70% of most meals, I am a shadow of the half-formed Fraud I used to be...
Have not been Flying or doing much of anything, just staying in the house and sobbing incapable of normal cognitive functionality, drinking and getting wasted is all I seek to do, I lost the Backbone of my Being in that Little hound... She was my Emotional Fortress against all things, I even close my bedroom door at night coz I am afraid of the Dark...
Now I feel more vulnerable than an Abortion being sucked out of a warm womb... and glaring 100ft NEON Signs Glow "Life is pointless in every direction'' no comfort in familiar Cuddles, NO CUDDLES at all... the cessation of Living Love is a Major Shock to the system, and cannot be substituted, No Dog can replace Her though I am in Negotiation from RSPCA to find another four-legged friend, and will give any Dog I am offered with the Greatest Love of All...
the whining conscience of a shallow sinner, but for every week I live Sleep and Cry without the only life I ever tried to Love with all my heart... I Barely exist no more...
All I can Spit out is thanks to God for the Mercy already given, but even that amounts to an empty cry to the sky, Only God Can watch you Die or arise from the dead, all you need is a Friend to reach for your hand
Salvation is closer than you can imagine, the only barrier to release and freedom is the Self, an illusory construct of the EGO...
So Lose the EGO to find ETERNITY in a Dream called Death: it is the last chance you get to make it right for all time in Memorium
YES; SAY IT NOW
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