Thank You Mum

Who would I most like to thank for this day this life this Christmas, My Old Ma; Shes Ashes now; and still side by side With my Nana, in my Airing cupboard, 

I just don't have the heart to pour them away into Chaos "the spreading of their dust that will entirely lose its present coherence" and mix with the worlds own dust, to dust beyond tracing into an indefinable nowhere... lost in a billion ever-expanding clouds of particles...

just left to memory, as long as it persists... Thank you, Mum, for all the Christmases of the long lost past, you still have a part in this one, because I am a part of you... and this one slightly lonely because your Body is gone and there is nothing but Dust left to Hug. and no living woman wants me. Quite rightly, I am a Grotesque living callous on humanity's dirty feet.

you once said to me "Afterlife is to live on in your Children"... well, here I am living on with/for/because of You. 

I carry You with-in me, along with every lost love I ever lost to dust and lost liaisons aplenty... You are the Floor of my soul, you made my World, and Your memory is overlayed on the present, like a filter in a phone app, You make every day a paradise in the endless echoes of retrospect. and the five senses you gave me, touch taste feeling sight and the music of the universe.

My final destination is to be with you again:
you are a personal part of the chain in my specific evolution:
I remember you like it was already yesterday, 
and it's not even tomorrow yet:
time is Incorrectly Indexed:!

emotions are time travelling nerve endings,
that never end. 

between lover friend or Mother: attachments have a visceral blood filled connection, directly to your emotions, Tears can drown, sobs can choke you to despair, Run to the light.

finally, eventually; everything will be alright: