Stand against the wall..

How Do You Know if Your really hungry,  and it's not just Greed Your Feeling


How Do You know if the Girl Your going out with is a Jew?..
Check to see if She uses rechargable Batteries in her Vibrator.
or dries out her Tampons in the airing cupboard....


I nearly hung myself last week.. but realised I love Wanking too much to die..


if a Country defines a race of people, does an individual consitute a CUNT?


Where does Affection STOP, and sexual deviance begin.....
My ArseHole thats where... 


Black holes and orgasams have a lot in common..
Evertime you come.. you find yourself in one... 


Want to lose weight, put shit on a plate, you wont want to eat , i promise.. it's Misery being fat n Ugly, because Everywhere You Go you know, People will despise You.. so have another Cheese Burger to get over it..


Television is the definition of a Public convieniance, as it can
bring refief in any little corner...


Casual Sex is like a 1 act Play, and somtimes not even a Puppet Show in a tunnel... its like getting stuck in a lift, with someone you dont know.. going down.. it's sharing time on your hands with a willing Recipient,  


Last time I touched a Fanny was at birth...  the Only Woman I ever Loved was
My mother... thats why they called me Oedipus..


My favorite kind of woman... is a blind deaf & dum quadraplegic Nymphmaniac.. the kind of girl you can help yourself to... cheap to keep, and never says NO...


Anyone here had sex today...? you lucky fucker, can I smell your fingers? 
I aint seen a fanny in ages... but it's fragrent perfume is un mistakeable...


I always wanted a Love-Juice Lollipop, so whenever I got lonley..
I could take it out the fridge and lick it..


The Good thing about being a Hermaphoradite, is... 
you can Wank.. and finger yourself at the same time... 
as long as you got two hands free.... 
then when somebody shouts "Go Fuck yourself"
you can say... I already did...


I bought myself a christmas present, a Party packet of condoms, I thought I might get Lucky and have Sex for Christmas... but Santa Did'nt have a Crack in his Sack..and he refused to give me a blow job... though he Nibbled my Mince pies.. and fucked Mummy before leaving...


You need to be a Gynocologist to get into Showbiz these Days.. as it's such a cunt to get in...


if Your inbred, at least your related to yourself..


Anyone here do Charity work...? wanna Fuck me for nothing... 


The Easiest Way to get Skinny quick... Cremation..
or live in a Desert... coz it's a long way to the shop's from there..


Hello everbody... Yup it's me Jesus Christ... I just Came again, and I loved it...
I am coming all the time so they say... My balls are never empty... 
unless you get me on Lent or the easter Festival, with mouthfull of cock... 
My next appearance will be at the end of the world, see you all there...


you know the solution to having good sex during Menstruation? Pull on the little string with your teeth... then lick up the overflow... more protien than a Bacon Sandwich... if you havent eaten for a while.... and it your not hungry it makes good plant food...


I got a feeling, i might have sex soon.... mind you that could be a nightmare... 
some old Whore with a fanny like a brillo pad, thick with congealed vaginal discharge, and some other fuckers dead spunk... I'd rather fuck a Leather sofa, they got plenty of soft cracks... if you care to look..


Truth is most men want to fuck Schoolgirls, but they just dont Admit it.... all you need is a few Breezers an Xbox and a good trigger finger...Trouble is.. when your over 50 it makes you feel like a pervert..


The only People who are Suited to riding in a Rolls Royce, are Royalty or the Dead... everyone else looks like some Tasteless Lottery winner or a Footballer..


a Man in a Shop asked me if I'd like a Bag?.. I said I have one sitting in the Car..


any old lonley wankers here tonight?.... Just me is it....


I got to a point in my late flowering youth, when i was sick of sex... 
so I said FUCK SEX... trouble is... it FUCKS YOU... when your not adequatly prepared...


do you use KY jelly?, dont be offended, but if you've never discovered the joys of Lubricant then thats the one to Use,  in short it is "instant cunt".. a Vagina in a tube, ... more slime than a Slaughterhouse.. get a pair of Marigold gloves.. the ones with the little bumps in the fingers, and your in for a night of delight's, get some porn of your laptop looping and your away, it makes a wife out of your left hand... and you dont have to feed Her !!


The man who invented KY Jelly should get the Nobel Peace prize.. 
He's single handedly (forgive the pun) brought peace to this world..


What is your favorite Body function?...  Personaly I just Love Shitting.. 
I would sit and shit 24/7-365, I'd shit for other people if I could, I could shit for the olympics.. talking of Turds, heres a little tip for all you ladies out there...


Ladies...
If your ever away from home, all alone.. and forgot your Vibrator.. and feel like something more than a finger fuck.. get yourself a durex and shit into it, and use it before it goes cold.. after all it is Yours... and you know where it's been.. unlike your boyfriends Dick...




NB: Fanny = Pussy in UK English.. in case you were confused..