Farewell to Toto...

A dog that I knew well 'Toto' She was 16 years old, a wire haired little Doggy, Who I witnessed only months ago Falling over in the Garden, and getting up again, such a pathetic sight, I got a short text from my friend, saying Toto had died in their Arms, after collapsing multiple times on the floor... on Sunday 7th...

Strangely enough on saturday I was looking at pictures of Her on my Monitor, which had been sent over time... and I said to myself... it will be a Sad Day when Toto dies... and She did the next day, But I only found out on Monday afternoon...

It hit me like a Mountain sized Meteorite, I fell apart, and to pieces... and bitterly wept like Mary at the foot of the Cross, OMG and ever since, Death of any loved living thing really gets you in the Solar Plexus like a Iron foundry in your Guts... 

It reminds me When Boo died in front of me Aug 13th 2019, it was a Religious experience like the Sermon on the Mount... 

I was touched by the tears of a Saint... for 7 weeks after I never felt so alone and got scared of the dark every night.. didn't eat for almost a week, How could you... Luckily I got Bubba or Bobby as I now call Him, just before the COVID crisis hit... on Sep 27th or it would have been much more difficult.. and been lonely much longer...

It brought me to my Knees, I went to Guildford Cathedral and lit a candle for Her, and cried like a starving child, where you can barely draw a breath, your diaphram wont co-operate...

That is a Primal reflex from deep inside for many reasons, the guilt that I didn't do enough...

So When I got the text, it was very personal indeed.. something nobody can share with you, you have to bear it alone like giving Birth, Death has the same depth of profundity.. in the other direction...

So Long Little Girl... I will think of you every day, just like Boo...

Rest in Peace Dear Toto... xXx