Emotional Desolation

The Frail Fabric of Happiness is so easily Ripped like a Tissue... out of the Blue, it comes to rip you apart and destabilises your every thought you try to veer away from the object of total Misery, which is inconsolable Grief...

but you are constantly magnetically drawn toward it, without relent a constant cycle of constant re-realisation that something Profound has happened... and wont let you go...

Boo had been Panting Heavily for a few weeks, I thought it was the hot weather... I wasn't listening, in my Selfish ignorance, I just let it ride, = I didn't really love Her enough i.e with a Total Devotion, just deep affection to Her subservience, like a pet slave, OMG this is worse than SCIATICA which I have had, a pain that has no "SWEET SPOT" no way to get away from it... unrelenting Agonising Deep Nerve Distress... "Without END"

She Lay on my Bed and looked Delirious her eys were in different directions,  Her Gums and Tounge were very lite pink, (not good) and I panicked, Rang everywhere and nobody was there!! just automated answers, with choices, that was when REALITY REALLY KICKED IN, She was Dying on my Bed, Cuddles dont fix it, I said to myself out loud "SHES DYING" I could not believe the words I was hearing....

She was Alive this morning now She is Dead
So With my Dead Dog in the back of the Car I went out Shopping for some Beers, then when I got back Our personal Car park was EMPTY
worst moment of all when I got back from the Vet's NO OTHER Neighbour was in! nobody to Bleed over and get sympathy... I have never felt so in need of another's Company just to bleed over... Weird how things happen, so back at my desk with 4 beers I looked up the Samaritans for someone to talk to... a soul to emote to was not there, more Automate 'lines Busy' then I knew, there is no-one who you can speak to there is no Easy fix to the permanently Broken... I am trying to be a real Man but failing mostly...

Samaritans; sadly all lines were Busy, NO FKN Kidding, so I was on my Own, so to speak, So I talked to GOD without words just Emotion flowing from my eyes in droplets evaporating, everywhere around the House I see signs of Her Life, and become a Mountain waterfall into and endless canyon, all my joy for life has left me, Drones? I must try to continue

I accept this fate She ain't hurting anymore, she loved sleeping, I must try to be a Man lost in the desert with no Idea where salvation is to be found..

Seems so Unfair She was only 9 and here I am a Fat Slob of 66, I will blog and maybe Drone to keep Busy, but something will always be missing from my Proximity, a loving little girl who gave me more Love than I could ever Give back... My desperation to touch her soft Tummy is unending... Our loving cuddles were beyond Humam Comprehension...

How can I ever sleep at night? my tiny Family is gone, now I have No-one... and all the Cash in the world wouldn't make me smile... another dog perhaps, but The irreplaceable Dearness of my Divine Boo cannot be replicated, now all I have is all I deserve.

UH

MORE EDITS MUST FOLLOW... this is not all of it at least 30 paragraphs need to be inserted, let me Wrestle with my Sorrow... for now thanks

now I Run to Oblivion head on, let me Die on the Cross with Jesus he is the only one who could Tranqillise this Personal Mayhem I am feeling at this time... I dont care anymore I will let God Guide me, coz Humans are duplistic devils with no soul