One for the Ladies.. '~'

What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man?
> They are both said to be intelligent, but no one can prove this.

> What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man?
> They both get hot in 15 seconds.

> Why are men men and rats rats?
> Because rats had first choice.

> Why can't a man be both handsome and intelligent?
> Because that would make him a woman.

> Why is a man's brain the size of a peanut?
> Because it is swollen.

> Why are batteries better than men?
> Batteries have at least one positive end.

> Why does it take one million sperm to fertilise one egg?
> Because sperm are male and they refuse to ask for directions.

> Why are men like the letter Q?
> A big zero with a small tail....

> Why do women not get married as often these days?
> Because they would rather have bacon in the fridge than a pig in the livingroom.

> What is the similarity between a video recorder and a man?
> They go forwards, backwards, forwards, backwards, stop and
eject.

> Why is the male intelligence worth more than the female?
> It is rarer.

> Why do men marry virgins?
> They cannot handle the criticism.

> Why do men exist?
> Who else is going to mow the lawn.

> What do you call an attractive intelligent and sensitive man.
> A rumour.

> What do you never want to hear while having good sex?
> Honey, I am home!

> Why don't men go through menopause?
> They never left puberty.

> Why do so many men have a beer-belly?
> At least then the unemployed dwarf has roof over his head.

> How do you know that a man is lying?
> His lips are moving.

He said.... She said 
1) He said... I don't know why do you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it. 
She said...You wear briefs, don't you? 

2) She said...What do you mean by coming
home half drunk? 
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money. 

3) He said... Since I first laid eyes on
you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. 
She said...Well you succeeded. 

4) He said...'Two inches more, and I would be king' 
She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen' 

5) on wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere.
Written just below it: I do not. 

6) He said...Shall we try a different position tonight?
She said...That's a good idea....you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

7) Priest...'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late 
husband.' She said...'Who's gonna look?' 

8) He said...What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror. 

9) He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight. 
She said... Okay, but if you get home before I do, Leave the hallway light on. 

10)  He said...She said. 
He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said...I 
would, but you're never there....