Monday, 8 February 2016

Self mutilation by emotion..

I Wish I was in love; again... well; in an existential way; I; was;/am;/are;..

when you hit 62, yup thats me, you just live to sleep dream and remember memories.. I play them over, all the best bits, like a supreme Cinematografic Collage, a beautiful Montage... the sweetest moments, are seen through the depth of love's.. field of focus, like morning dew on a Lotus.. just before fulfilling cotius...

Like forgetting the world is a Disney Movie, and totally illusory.. just when I thought I'd started to be truly gifted and creatively free, I will this year be 63...

and life feels more precious and clearly divisible heart felt and transmutable, and yes, I wish I knew then; what I barely know now; 

what its like kiss a girl first thing in the morning, without lust in your heart, just love itself; Oh Girl.. 
I wish I was in Love Again... maybe I am, but not that kinda way.. you will understand; when you get "here"... where you try to find beauty in every/any thing.. to derive the best from what you still have, to consolidate; before it's too late, even for goodbye's..

wish I was in Love again, I remember the overwhelming feeling of reeling, Just at the touch of her hand, I dont know if you can follow this or understand.. but I never felt more qualified to love back.. instead of take so much it makes you sick.. like a Child with a bucket of Ice Cream (Toffie yogurt with bits... tongue encountered bliss...

but Solomon or the King of Kings, cannot create this wonderful thing, of which I sing.. Love is the impossible attraction of polar opposites, people who shouldn't even fit.. but do/can/could; an unquantifiable succession of events, a compulsion that never relents.. to feel that someone actually believes in you, knows your heart is battered, but True: and takes a chance to befriend You...

and come hell or high water sticks with you, and continues to, even when years have gone you still miss them like new, and they are forever.. a part of you..

Jesus; I wish I was in Love again, to someone who speaks my name, over and over again.. but I am just dreaming back to then when I had such a friend, whose well long gone.. yet persists still, like Poe's Raven on the windowsill, and above the door, what did it say?


but when you're old you can dream and in fine detail remember such things, a personal Hero who wins your trust and liberates your hope,

to give their life for a friend.... someone on whom you can utterly Depend who watches your back, and scratches it too, someone sweet who loves you... not for gain or any particular reason, who wont turn on you; in and out of season.. (fairweather friends)

a gift from Chaos; and things unseen; a dream; within; a dream.. a perfect theme.. Beethoven's 7th Symphony.. 2nd Movement..
a moment of Harmony in a life of pain; remembered again; and I so wish; I was in Love.. one more time... encore; une: fois...

I will take the blame... 
but please, 
one more time; 

(the more you give love; the better you live;
the more You hate; the sooner Your sad; Fate..
dont find that out like me...
almost Too late!:

Peace Blessings Healing; to any who's heart's eyes reads my prayer.. 
it becomes.. a prayer for You.. 
that was for You anyway..

forever tomorrow; but most of all..

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