Low battery

When I was a little Boy of 6, I couldn't wait to be old... so I would be wise... which is partially achieved... but I had no Idea how awful being old is.. the drained enthusiasm the lack of energy and interest in pretty much anything, as all I want to do is lay down and sleep.. 99% of the time...

I don't look like a Zombie.. but sure feel like one... I shop when other people sleep... I drop when other people go to work. I cannot walk more than 20 ft without feeling pain all over my body, but can walk 200yds on a good day.. a good day is rare these days...

as so many bad ones take their place....

before My Mother died all she said when I visited her was "I just wanna die" and I watched Her get more and more profoundly depressed, and static while staring into space.... I used to drive home like it was raining.. as the tears in my eyes prevented me from seeing... 

but my Half Brother didn't ever visit or call to advise, He just let me get on with being the last witness... he was too chicken to come.. spineless supercilious condescending sociopath that he really is... an insular pig breeder with the mind and soul of a white supremacist... with a very high sense of self... unfounded... only I am witness to the evil he did to me.

not a single phone call even after She died... just Malice silence and distrust... no consideration calming sorrow Guidance or sympathy, not a jot from He.. then he went to legal blackmail and disinherited me of what was rightfully mine.... but you don't want to hear about that turgid bog of stinking shit...

His dance with the spirits comes soon, he is terrified of Death... perhaps that guilty conscience will kill him after all....

He is the original son of a Bitch. Both of us were inconvenient Bastards.. coz frankly my mother, though I love Her, was a simple Bitch who couldn't keep Her Drawers on.. give her a Cigarette and a few minutes of your seductive accent and She dropped em... I would have had a sister, But the cow Aborted it...

Hence that belated Ambiguous relationship with My Mother. and from there ALL WOMEN... they make me go Mad... I would rather be alone than Sad. an ascetic celibate non-masturbating Seeker of satori. than a Dick with no soul. who fucks the emotiveness of a feelingless paid for whore who might as well be a corpse... or a China made Knob rubber with synthetic hands. that eats batteries.... and uses up dopamine that would be better utilised... calming animals before slaughter: