'~" From"... Dec 9th.. (here in this bloody Blog) to make any sense of progression and development in this "True living Story" not fucking fiction some dick is spitting over your trust to deceive You..
this is the Juice that makes stars explode into a supernova.. that is a Close encounter that has changed my life for Good!.. because of good... Virtue and Beauty always moves a soul in the state of 'contemplative Observation'.. (get it?) to be touched with/of/because of Mercy in Human form..
touched by the creator of all "Set's Stages, and Dreams... the Baird of reality.. manifest and living in front of You... like a very special close encounter of the Heart; kind...
Yup the unearthly feelings which started there... and did just that, have considerably matured into a long term - long haul permanentness... much more reserved and Adult, aspiring to a most beautiful state of mind and sense of wonder...
So if You think I recently lost wot little of a mind I may still have; dont even think it... with all that absurd humour; posing as Comedy.. Yeah I still want to pursue it.. but;
that's; really not, who.. I; truly, am..
I'm much more Melancholy than you could ever imagine.. and I love the miserable hidden misery's of life.. the pain of ephemeral remorse and salty taste of Tears, is my favorite kind of supper... I love emotion, I am never so very happy... as When I am Crying My heart Clean... (nice title for a Blues.. huh?)
with the catharsis of endlessly re-lived redemption on replay; as the punishment that will bathe my soul in the waters of God's acceptance and forgiveness.. (again!) if you've never understood Christian Values and customs... then you wont really understand, the feelings that drives us to ever Love.. or ever Hate..
That Girl.. she may be 64 but not to me... she is the friend I want to be with/near who I haven't properly integrated or unified with; 'in the playground, where the souls of lost Kids are kicked to Death'.. and lonely kids go home to a House without any love.. that is reality!... condemn me for playing Violin with your heartstrings... I fucking mean it!... even though I am really; a Cunt..
Middle 8: if it was a song....
OK.. when we; (Me n Boo) go to the park each day at around 2-3pm.. I dont plan anything; act abnormally or overtly self consciously.. yet.. 'Ahem..
I do still look out for Her.. when we go anywhere!.. but I am sure now she is totally freaked out, grossed out, alienated and avoiding me like the pox... the filthy scab on a peasant's lips she would never kiss... the pain of loving Her is SHEER BLISS!.. I found the perfect Obsession... something that is, "out of reach, yet sweet to live with...
Even that; is something to hold on to.. see what a sentimental scumsucker I am.. this is more like me... lol..
Revelation of my Creation:
I made something for her; 'Artwork' took 300hrs to make.. (it is so breathtakingly Touching, it will make Her cry, when She gets home alone with it) I take it with me to the park everyday.. just in case she's there..
but she never is.. so I carry it back upstairs to keep it dry from damp in the Car.. or it may fade and warp... coz it took me all those hours to "create it".. if she ever sees it.. it will touch her very deeply, and will; always lift Her spirit.. when she see's it..
Oh?.. how do you know that... "well I glimpsed a refraction in a spinning smithereen dancing in the sun's light, and that moment is sealed in aspic.. and seen only as a secret within the heart"
not the Ego..
only the Blind can see Beauty in it's natural form:
Love is our only Direct communication with life!.. and really living.. a life.. worth living.. Collect or free delivery.. there is plenty to go round... this Sad Earth.. *
* a reference to this Magnificent work...
Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.
Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox
(yet another Great American)