Flatpack Girlfriend:

''Soft'' Pub Stand-up: 

Any Jedi In tonight?... get yer light saber out, I just fancy a frolic..

You know why she's Called Princess Leia?.. coz everybody want's to Lay-Her.. I'd fuck Carrie Fisher in 1977... but you'd need to pay me now just to touch her.. and a health certificate that She is clear of HIV Herpes and gonorrhea..  everybody knows Hollywood people are all 'Ho's and Gigolos' the most immoral and corrupt life form on the Planet... 

(fake cough.. clear throat, refer to tablet for next line...)...

Finally got a Girlfriend!... Yup.. Shes an Android.. Does exactly what She's told..

She's the Ideal Woman.. "Coz She Keeps her fucking mouth shut!".. cleans up after me, Cooks my Dinner, Washes my clothes, works 80 hrs a week.. and I dont give her anything, except a Full charge, and lot of Spunk.. 

I did get 2 for 1 in a special deal in IKEA, silicone Twins from Korea.. But one broke down, coz I was Shagging her too much, I came all over her Circuitry and shorted out the Main Processor that controls the Muscles in Her Rubber Vagina...

She had the Grip of a Jubilee Clip... Fuck me!, I would say.. "and she fucking did!"

she went into shutdown mode?.. an all her Orifices Closed up, "to prevent water damage if dropped into a Swimming pool"...

I tried to give her a "Flash update" but slapped my face.. when I put the USB stick in her Ass..

I got my moneys worth, She was always on her back!.. I made full use of Her Crack.. or all fours for a Doggie.. or on her knees for a Licking of the lollypop.. or "joystick" as I prefer to call it.. with her silicon lips round it, I came like a Kamikaze..

I haven't had Sex for so long.. I'd rather have a Good Shit.. much more satisfying.. and you can take your time, and read a book..
I'd much rather have a Good Shit... than a Bad Fuck..!! even if I dont have a good book to read..

But I'd rather have a wank.. than a piss, though even a piss is better than some fucks I've had.. but, then again.. I would rather have a damn good wank, than a piss.. or a Shit.. or a bad fuck..

I only ever had one good fuck in my life... when ''Daddy did it!..

Masturbation saves money on dinner dates... and disappointment..
I would turn Queer If I could... but the idea of using shit as a lubricant.. really turns me off... 

I mean Cunnalingus.. is just not the same on an Asshole..?

Any Muslims in here tonight..?.. NO!.. Thank Fuck for that!.. miserable bastards...   dont know what a good time is!..

People donate Organs dont they?.. Why cant they donate crash victims Vagina's.. for lonely old men to appreciate.. You could put in a Can with a use by date: or freeze it?.. 

Just microwave it for a while, to get it warm.. enjoy it over a few hours with friends You can invite round to participate.. why waste a good Cunt?.. then when it starts rotting and stinking.. "Feed it to the Dog.. Thats what I call "RECYCLING"....

Mmm..