catching breath..

Recently I have developed an unpleasant anomaly that occurs more regularly than I'd like... I wake up unable to catch my breath, like I was a few breaths behind and have to quickly catch up.. it's getting to be a daily occurrence.. like just now..

thats why I am writing this so early in the morning.. no matter how tired and sleepy I may be... there is no staying in bed when it happens, coz it's scary.. I am getting a bit fixated on it...  its like I forget to breathe and suddenly remember.. its a very frightening moment...

waking up unable to breathe and in a drowning type panic... since I hit 60 I am aware that the countdown to atomic disintegration has begun... the point in living has been lost to the four winds, and now I just wait for the chop from the cleaver in the sky.. the last chapter is nearing its last full stop..

its a nasty paradox.. so scared to death of death you'd rather die to get away from it... when the panic of a suffocating hand is over your mouth, and your hands are tied behind your back... too scared to sleep, yet too tired to be awake.. if you can manage a compassionate thought for a stranger.. it would be very gratefully received and reciprocated in anonymity through the ether...

As thoughts have wings and can fly through walls to find you...