Monday, 7 January 2013

Obsessive Amnesia...

Thats What it is.. Obsessive Amnesia... I am critically attuned to the fear of forgetting things... the more I think about it, the more slips my mind.. i.e. I forgot which way to turn off the tap?... that is a massive moment..

we have all gone out to the Kitchen, and forgot what we went there for... but I forget the thought I just thunk.. and lapse for hours doing nothing, and finding myself slobbering or dribbling on my pillow?..

I put on my coat and sit there wondering where I wanted to go... I go out and walk only to question if I had a destination in mind?... I forget to bring my phone, because I couldnt remember where I left it... so I have to use another phone to find my other phone... then forget what my other phones number was.. it is getting scary... I went to the shop for tinned tomatoes, and came home with some other canned veg, I forget Which one... but it was one I dont like.. I do Remember that..

I wake up in the night gasping for air, and chocking on acid phlem, because 1: I forgot to breathe, and 2: I forgot to close my stomach.. I have nightmares that have actually happened... back in 1983 I went to do a Theatre Job for a month, and left all my clothes on the train... except one bag with shirts.. I never forget when I last ate though.... as my only fixed memory's are how to heat and eat food...

Lord have mercy on the cunt of my mind, as it is fist fucked to shreds... My brain liver and kidneys have filtered so much toxic stimulants that it is a wonder I have enough autonomic brain matter left to keep my heart beating... thats the next thing I will probably forget... then You'll know Why I died.. Because I forgot I was Alive.... for a moment too long.. 

Still I haven't missed much, no doubt, however exciting it may have been it was only ever destined to be forgotten... 

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