New Jokes for Stand up

they gave me prozac.. it made me the person.. I am not today..


the best cure for depression is to fuck someone else up instead...


I was going to commit suicide...
instead I decided to go for a backdated Abortion..


More People should commit suicide so I got more room to breathe...


I Had a Swastica Tattoed on my foreskin, as a warning to any jews I come across... it was on the inside, so it only gets visible when it's active...


I am bi-Polar... Wheres Your North Pole?....


You know Your really mental... When You alone think your saine...


the Only Jews I love are the ones who dont ask for their money back....


Depression is the realisation you are, Overweight, overdrawn, over the limit, and over fucking 50...



a Woman is like a bus.. you get on, Ride it for a while, then get off.. coz you dont wanna miss your stop do ya?...


She was sooo Sexy I dont know what came over me..
I just looked at her.. and I came over myself...


Having Kids...  is like breeding Your own pet..


all my kids were abortions that I left in the Gutter.. to feed the sewer rats..


its not surprising there are so many paedofiles,
"coz when i was a child I was worth fucking too.."


Every time I open my fridge i think... OH JESUS... Thats all gonna come out my ass hole.. I ought to eat toilet paper then I wont have to wipe it...


The only reason I use Pornography, is to remember what I am shooting at...-


I might be an asshole, but one good thing about an asshole ...... 
ITS TIGHTER than any pussy !!


I have to be on drugs as I am too scared to actually be myself.. 


IF YOUR FAT.. Get Altzheimers. then you'll alwas forgot when you last ate...

You know You have a true friend in TERMINAL CANCER, coz it will stay with you till the bitter end.. and best of all you lose all that fat double quick time..


I had the shits all day that's why I wrote this on the toilet.. thank God for Bluetooth..


it's my time of the month, that's why I am talking like a Cunt...






APPLAUSE and Cheering...