Alive but

the only time you feel alive; is when your half dead, doing Drugs... Aint it? She said; 

there are many ways to be dead.. being forgotten, perhaps for damn good reason, grinding poverty and total failure.. is the living kind of dead.. just waiting to die is worse than actually being dead.. Death is the easy bit..

putting Oregano Flowers she had folded earlier into my nostril... tainted with a familiar fragrance.. the illicit illegal smell of Paupers in the rain forest and their dirty feet.. "I cant afford Cocaine its too expensive"... 'Dont worry I got a Kilo back at my apartment..'

yeah; it's shameful disgusting and irrépréhensible.. but to get the Hit; that you need to fit; in the hole in you soul.. to focus the mind and bring to life in small moments to others, in our shared journey, to be liberated and freely inter-actuate.. 

Dosage is All: Oh Yeah?... Yeah... Enjoy your dosage.. dont pig it like a greedy child.. saviour it like expensive chocolate.. with your very last grains of good Coffee; 

if you need and yearn for that which you cannot have, Deny yourself satisfaction in the moment you most want it.. and in resistance to an immediate gratification; you are rewarded; Pace your desires like an Olympian.. if you cant assimilate, you might as well emigrate.. and disintegrate:

then your marinating; almost ready for the slaughterhouse; cookhouse; Your end is just to feed Death itself... the coolest stairway to hell on the top of an Art Deco NY scraper with balcony's you could jump from... all those high places and burnt out faces.. longing for impossible places.. 

OMG to die by falling.. all it takes is gravity and momentum.. not to mention 'Terminal velocity'.. very terminal: if you hit something halfway down you get torn apart.. literally ripped in to pieces.. the body is so frail.. 

in your suffering you will be Comforted, in that moment of realisation, a peace will come over you; and it wont hurt: when you have no body just mind, you have learnt the illusion of all pains..

anything to get away from being burned alive, or left with the 'other people'.. who have no kindness or humanity.. suicide and natural death are 50/50 in probability of the inevitable; one is the escape pod of the other...

it will all be clear as Day, when you finally wake up dead: at first its a shock, but you get used to it.. consciousness is the by product of a sentient life support system, all its functions combine to keep the 'awoken avatar' alive awake alert and aware... 

to crawl through this Kaleidoscopic, quick cutting reality... the most powerful tool in the Universe is 'Mind'.. the organic Processing power of a living yet ethereal thing.. that evolves and repeatedly recombines over and over again, through one empty skull to another, until..

it learns to fly without wings.. this world Feeds the empty dimensions of alternate star systems with tremulous nervous coherence.. there is plenty of space to have a World of your very own..

Does the Mosquito ascend to heaven, or descend to hell.. surely it's life is pointless, only to live a day to drink blood.. it is more like mathematics manifest in Genetic algorithms.. that have no end, like the Fibonacci numbers ablaze in fireworks of mutating molecules to the edge of infinity at the event horizon of time standing still in dimensions we cannot imagine, in ways we dont yet begin to comprehend..

you were given life for one Purpose.. to learn how live, and 'Memento Mori' = to ''remember that you must die''... how you enter the Matrix is up to you...