Wednesday, 10 August 2016

The Night My Mother died..

That night.. My Poor; old; Mother; Died... was a Shocker.. and I had no support; Emotional or Worldly; from my 'Would be plutocrat' sell out soulless old fat obese pig Half/Brother.. He was the son of a Stranger... coz my Mother couldn't say no.. to this Fornicator... like so many others; like My asshole Father, She had bad taste in lovers; and frankly was very simple, vein, and not very intelligent, sadly...

But worked Her back to breaking to feed and house me, as a single Mother with a teenage Son, after My Drunkard waster Father Threw me out, cos he got re-Married to a personal AD he saw in the Evening Standard, he saw on his way back from London one day... as Soon as They got tied.. 2 weeks later!.. She gave My Dad an Ultimatum.. 

Either You Get rid of 'Him' or I go... it's a convoluted highly protracted story I dont want to Bore you with.. so I was literally delivered to The town I now still live in.. my Dad was drunk.. all my clothes were just pushed out the car onto a sidewalk parking area and I was 'Delivered'... to my Penny poor Mother working as a Housekeeper in a Grand Elizabethan Hotel..

We had our ups, and downs.. and I discovered MANDREX an old school Barbiturate in Her Bathroom cabinet.. in fact I found almost 20 bottles stuffed with them, Thousands of em... I took the fucking lot... not all at once.. but over a few months...

the night I moved in She had to carry a Mattress up steep stairs, for me to sleep on the floor next to her bed.. She was 50 then coz I was a late child.. or mistake at 34.. old in those days to give birth.. She was someone I couldn't bring myself to admit; that I loved.. but since She has been DEAD.. I now realise helplessly.. 

I loved that Bitch.. I sure do now: Because.. I never forgave Her for something that happened, previously mentioned in another rambling waste of words Blog... when they left my with an old Woman next Door... Coz I was too much Hassle to take out 'Saturday Shopping' in Town..  at 4 years old! I held em up was too much trouble and too stupid too got with them..

and every week for a very long time.. (eternity when your only 4) I never went 'Saturday Shopping' and when my Monster hate filled and very spiteful Brother got back he would enjoy Sneering at me, telling me what I had missed.. and 'Your too stupid to understand anything' that's why they left you.. you hold us back!...

9 years older than me.. and the Nemesis of my early years.. constantly bullied and put down by this Sociopath, well he was to me for most my life.. never any bonding with him.. 3 words describe Him perfectly..

Supercilious condescending and Patronising... a Holier than Thou sorta attitude.. I was always 'going to be nothing' according to him, even at 10 years old I got these endless put downs...

Everybody knew My Mom was near the end... but did He call me? to say what was going to happen, how things would be organised and arranged.. or say sorry in any formal Civilised way? 'Zip Zero Zilch'.. not even a phone call when he was also told.. So I had no Help or guidance of any kind... I thought coz he was Wealthy, that he would easily pay for the funeral... So Emptied Her account 'As I was told to'..

She always said dont worry my little bit is for You.. ***** will pay; dont worry... that little bit is for you.. I even got it on Video I couldn't find.. on a previous smartphone... 

And that is the under text Content of this Blog, the lines it was meant to describe.. the reason I actually was motivated to write this..

Here is where it gets weird.. and what I actually wanted to say in the first place... hope your up to speed by now..

So; I received a Call at 9:20 pm that night.. from a Girl; Woman; Grandma; that I had personally Known for over 40 years!.. since I came to this small Town.. 'Yvonne'... a craggy old slag now.. who looks like a bag of scabs reformed into an old lady.. ha; to think once my dick twitched for Her.. but time takes it's toll.. nobody wants to get intimate with an Old Hag.. except me on rare occasions lol... personal joke of immense proportions... but I digress..

This is the Gal who told me direct.. 'Your Mothers gone'... I drew Breath deeply... thank God I was sober.. and I Drove over there and was at My Mothers bedside within 10 mins..

My Dear Old Ma.. was dead.. But still warm.. Still WARM! with Her mouth open like she was Screaming or allowing Her spirit release.. I took a dozen or more Pictures of Her 'Corpse'.. I was Utterly Bereft.. and didnt know what to do... or who to call..

They told me that they had already informed My Demon Brother.. but I received no words of comfort or condolence.. from IT... I called him but received no answer...


The pictures I took, were 'UNREADABLE' according to my Device.. I didnt get that at all, until I realised... she (My Mom) would definatly not have approved.. being a Woman with sufficient dignity to ultimatly not allow such awful pictures to be seen, except in 'My Memory'..

Which no doubt will also be 'Erased' a memory is so finite.. even Jesus Mohammed and Shakespeare will one day be nothing to anyone anymore..

Which posits the conclusion... Life is almost pointless.. except to the dead bodies that leave thoughts of beauty and perfection in the 7th heaven; of re-cycled thoughts of those yet to be Born...

This is just a Draft, it may be expanded into much more.. or like a momentary lapse of thought squashed out like a Cigarette.. when it has given it's all to satisfy you.. you just throw it away... and dont even remember the pleasure and satisfaction you derived from it's existence...

I will get the final Revenge.. so help Me God, now is the time to conspire the Murder of Satan's Children... I have the address's.. and will sacrifice my life of failure to cut you deep for the misery you also thought you extinguished... and disposed of... Hate can last as long as Love...

Allah Akbar:

when you have nothing to lose; and everything to Destroy.. come to your Brothers; who cries for Blood... fill the roads with rivers... Go Enoch.. nobody heard your true perspectives, or foresaw the dimensions in which threats could exist in open sight...

r90e


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