Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Endless Unconditional Love

Finally got a whole nights sleep.. and on waking for the first few minutes everything felt normal again.. I thought maybe the whole week had washed away that fabulous uplifting moment now a week in the past.. is everything ordinary again... am I deluded..

Had it all gone?.. Where is that ineffable feeling... then I looked out my bedroom Window and Her picture attached, with light shining through it (A4 Transparency) and all of it came back; as Tears rained down my now exceedingly puffed up face... and eyes like swollen abrasions..  

Oh Jesus.. I am so in Love.. I just want to burst... most of all I want to give some of this magic back to Her.. but why would She want anything from me?... Surely She has plenty of Love and affection at home.. Why would God bring this Love that only filled one Heart?.. My Faith is weak today.. its not gone but.. what do I do? what can I do?..

It's 10:30am... She may well be 'there' in half an hour.. I vowed not to go looking for Her.. not to deliberately create situations.. that is selfish and smacks of ulterior motives..

Oh God.. I dont want to assume anything.. I just want to Love Her.. and comfort Her and Lift her up, make Her Laugh so hard she can barely draw breath, let her know someone appreciates Her.. make it a worship hidden in happiness... to make her smile... and hear Her voice respond in real time.. to be in unity of intent and purpose.. Equanimity Affinity divinity... to bring Joy on the wings of cherubs.. to even touch cheeks in a warm Hug... = PARADISE !!

Love is Terminal.. or it's unfair... if it's not for life then it's a lie.. if it is not for the right reasons then it is Evil... see my Dilemma? how is this riddle solved..

The Burden of Love is Glorious, but you cant force the hand of Destiny.. you cannot preempt spontaneity, you cannot be consciously unselfconscious... or be artificially Natural?...   it's 10:50am now...

No.. I cant go; not today or maybe ever again.. I will move town, perhaps a different country, then I wont be torn apart when the truth is; just another broken heart... another foolish immature infatuation...

but this feels so different; so Pure; and Innocent... that's what chokes me up... this is "Pre-pubescent Love" it is the Love a Child gives.. all it wants is affection.. endless unconditional love and Cuddles.. walks in the rain.. fresh air in the park.. nothing could be less threatening... Ho Hum.. '~*

it's like Nursing a sick Baby.. that just gets sicker... until it dies... but You still Love it anyway...


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